On this page, I will start telling you a bit about myself and what my music means to me. No matter how much I write, this will always be just a small part of the why and the how. There is always more to say, more to explain, new insights and new connections. But let me just start at one end and show you this little part of my soul.
Born into a Christian household, I grew up with the Bible and Jesus as my daily companions. Through many ups and down during my whole life, I can now say that I´ve never loved Jesus more than I do today and that He is the base and the ground on which I stand. I am not religious, I am a believer who´s trying to live her life according to what Jesus showed us in His.
To be a musician has been my dream since I was 12 years old. When I am playing the violin, I feel home. I feel connected to God, to the universe, to nature. The notes create a unique moment, something you cannot put into words, something that has an impact on our heart and mind.
It was clear to me from the very beginning, that I had to be a musician with all my heart. I knew that it wasn´t only a job for me, something to do „as a profession“. At the same time I felt that this was something, God had created me for. It was my vocation.
When life happened with all the „growing up“ and going through the various stages of life, turning away from God, running back to Him, meeting people, falling in love, loosing loved ones, loosing myself, finding myself, wallowing in despair, giving up and fighting back, I ultimately reached a point where I asked myself about the connection between my music and my faith. Even though I had always thought that my music was made „for Him“, as everything we do should be to His glory, my heart ached to praise Him in a completely new way. I felt a separation between the classical music I was performing on stage and the worship music I was listening to.
The classical music that is performed in the big halls of this world is only one thing: a performance. It aims for perfection, spotless technique and prestige. It is superficial. Being a part of this musical world, it hurts me to see this selfishness and the superficiality in it. Music is meant to touch hearts, it is meant to build people up, to encourage them, to give hope and be a light in dark times. Unlike any other thing in the world, music has the ability to take us to places far beyond our imagination, it is above every word and every action – it is divine.
So why don´t we just allow it to do what it was created for?
My music is my worship. My violin is my voice. When I play, I don´t aim for perfection, I don´t aim for a career, I simply give myself away. I´m nothing but a broken vessel. I want to connect with God, with nature, with the universe in a way that the divine nature of music can be found in every single note. I want to talk about love, about joy and sorrow, about success and failure, about life and death – without saying a single word.
I want my audience to feel that there´s more to this life than our everyday challenges, something beyond our imagination, a love unable to measure.
And if only one of the people listening to me can feel this love when I play – this is all I need.
It was only after my perception of music changed so significantly that I realised how many of the famous composers of old were believers. The reason they could create these divine compositions was because they allowed the Divine access to their hearts.
To say it with words by Johann Sebastian Bach, the greatest composer of all times:
„The aim and final end of all music should be none other than the glory of God and the refreshment of the soul.“